It seems to me, that there are two types of people in the world; those who avoid any conflict at all costs and those who welcome it. Personally, I am one of those, who hates any kind of conflict and learning to deal with it has been an area of personal growth throughout my lifetime.

One key thought that helped me to be able to deal with conflict was being able to remember in the heat of the moment, that everyone thinks differently. As obvious as it sounds, this to me was a revelation. When you’re caught in a moment, it is so easy to forget that other people have emotions and feelings too, and that very often, they are not the same as our own.

In fact, a lot of the time, a touch of empathy and/or respect can be all it takes to calm a volatile situation and these seems more important to remember now more than ever with so many households in close proximity during isolation.

So, what can we do to de-escalate conflict?

1. Try to take a step back and look at the situation – rationally. Don’t let your emotions control your actions.
2. Try not to react. This means not getting angry or defensive.
3. Listen! I know how badly you want to get your point across, but believe it or not, your best chance of that will come from respecting the other person’s point of view. In fact, being empathetic and allowing ourselves to truly attempt to see where someone else is coming from gives us the opportunity to spot any weaknesses or shortfalls in our own argument and can often be the key to personal growth as well as the turning point.
4. When it comes to your turn to speak it is important to realise that your tone of voice is important. Keep it calm and try to keep the volume down, resist the urge to shout or scream your point – even if it’s really important.
5. Stick to your facts and don’t attack someone’s character in an attempt to prove your point. Personal attacks are rarely relevant and will actually detract from any valid points you are making.
6. If things are too heated, it may be a good time to arrange another time to revisit the conversation – a neutral mediator may also be a good idea. Finally,
7. Be aware of your situation – try to ensure you have an escape route and if you feel unsafe, or if you feel the other person is trying to hurt you (emotionally or physically) leave the area and consider calling someone to help you.
8. If the issue is at work, please follow any policies that you may have their regarding conflict/disagreements and/or ask your line manager for advice.

Once the conflict is resolved it may be useful to take time to reflect on it to avoid the situation from repeating in the future.