Fans of plans, we are covering some deep subjects in our blogs lately – but they are important and we shouldn’t shy away from talking about them. 

In this blog, I cover the subject of gaslighting in the workplace. This is something that is more common than you think and I have certainly been on the end of this in a previous role. 

I will talk you through what gaslighting is, how to look out for it and what you should do to put it out. 

What is gaslighting?

Gaslighting is a method in which a person (or organisation), in order to gain more power, makes a victim question their reality. It works much better than you may think and anyone is vulnerable to gaslighting.

An example of gaslighting

An example of gaslighting would be if a colleague or manager does something mentally or physically abusive and then denying it happened. Gaslighters may also convince you that you’re mentally unfit or too sensitive.

Sadly I had this happen to me in a role about 10 years ago. The manager I worked for saw sickness as a sign of weakness and would regularly speak badly of anyone if they dared even take a day off sick. So when the doctor advised I take two weeks off for a personal mental health issue, I knew I would be in for the wrath of the manager on my return. But nonetheless I took medical advice and returned to the office two weeks later. 

From this point I dreaded one-to-one meetings with my manager – there were always sly digs at my wellbeing. As the manager would do this in my one-to-one meetings, there was no one to witness what she was saying to me. When I did pluck up the courage to speak up, it was my word against hers and in true gaslighting style she made out that I was either making it up or being too sensitive. 

From this I knew there would be no chance for me to promote in that organisation as this manager wouldn’t support it, so I eventually left – on to pastures new and to bigger and better things. 

But what could I have done differently is a question I ask myself and what advice would I give to someone who is in the same position?

Facing up to gaslighting

It can take a lot of courage to stand up to gaslighting, especially when the very nature of it means that victims may well be on a very low ebb. But here are a few things you can do to make a difference and hopefully put out that flame. If you feel like someone in your organisation is gaslighting:

• Find yourself a confidante - someone at work that you trust as a friend or someone you know will be impartial, it could be a member of the HR team or a union rep. 
• Tell your trusted person what you have been going through and you have been feeling about the situation.  
• Ask this person if they could sit in on your future one-to-ones with your manager. They can be there to take notes or to just sit and listen. If your manager has a problem with another person sitting in on your one-to-ones, then you may need to speak to HR about this. 
• Finally, make sure that any interaction between you and the manager is documented. Keep a diary of events as this could go towards any formal complaint you may need to make in the future. 

Your organisation may also have a policy and procedure about speaking up (commonly known as a whistleblowing policy). You can contact your HR representative to find out about your organisation’s procedure for speaking up. 

Tips if you are approached by a colleague

If you are ever approached by someone who feels they are the victim of gaslighting, never dismiss how they are feeling. This is a very real thing and by telling them “I’m sure you’re just imagining it” or “Maybe you’re being too sensitive” then you are only compounding their fears and issues. Ask them what they would like to do about it, give them the control over how they feel the situation could be approached and what they would like to see happen. In a lot of gaslighting situations, the victim feels powerless, so by giving them this autonomy, it can help to regain their confidence enough to speak up. 

P.s: If you want some other free tips for your personal life, check out the Self Series blog – out fortnightly on Tuesdays, courtesy of Make Me A Plan’s Wellbeing Expert, Tamsin Cain. Browse the latest edition here:  https://www.makemeaplan.com/news/fomo-fear-of-missing-out/