If you struggle to say no to other people, ignore your own needs to please other people, are bothered by others demanding your time, controlling, pleading or making you feel guilty for not doing as they wish you to do; if you find it difficult to make decisions and if you feel a little annoyed a lot of the time, it could be due to a lack of boundaries.

We all have a tendency to put other people first from time to time, but by doing this constantly we are putting our own thoughts/feelings after everyone else, which can contribute to the feelings of worthlessness that we discuss in my previous blog post ‘Know Your Worth’ (https://www.makemeaplan.com/news/know-your-worth/).

Boundaries are like an invisible line that determines who we choose to be and what we are choosing to be responsible for. Boundaries can affect all areas of our lives, for example;

Physical Boundaries – relating to your personal space: who you may choose to hug or shake hands with, how you feel about being in a room with locked doors or even your views on nudity.

Sexual Boundaries – give you the right to choose what, where, when and who with.

Professional Boundaries – define the way we act in our working relationships and the rules we follow to keep these in a professional capacity.

Material Boundaries – allow us to determine whether we give or loan our belongings to others.

The one that most people seem to struggle with however is Emotional Boundaries.

Emotional Boundaries enable us to separate our own emotions and feelings from those of others. Emotional Boundaries help us to take responsibility for ourselves and prove to us that we are not responsible for anyone else or for the way that other people feel.

Putting boundaries in place can be difficult as we tend to feel that by doing so we are letting other people down or that we won’t be liked.  We become so used to giving other people our time and energy that we forget about ourselves.  Healthy boundaries are a much-needed act of self-love. Helping us to realise our worth, protecting us from others demands and preventing us from feeling guilty for someone else’s negative emotions or problems. Setting boundaries can actually help us to feel liberated and instil in us, a sense of safety, allowing us the confidence to explore right up to the limits that we have set for ourselves. In contrast when we don’t have boundaries this can make us feel insecure and craving reassurance from others to validate us instead of being sure enough of our own decisions – in essence validating ourselves.

Learning to say no to other people is a powerful thing and enables us to preserve our own mental health and emotional energy.  Boundaries don’t have to be big to make an impact but should help us to uphold our own standards and values e.g. not checking your work emails at weekends to help you maintain a healthy work/life balance or spending less time with a demanding person as you feel that they drain you or take more from you than you are comfortable giving.

Think of what is important to you; do you feel guilty for wanting to do things by yourself? Do you feel anxious when you need to say no to someone? Are you giving away too much of your time and energy worrying about what other people think? Maybe, just maybe, its time to think of yourself and grab a little bit of time back for you?! It is up to you to decide which rules and principles that what you want to live by – choose you!