Do you feel that you’re bad at meeting people or struggle to hold a conversation, maybe you get the feeling that you don’t fit in, that people don’t like you or think that you’re weird? You may just feel up tight or that you hate small talk?  These are common feelings and beliefs of people who experience social anxiety and often presents itself when put into new situations with strangers or people we do not know well. Group settings can make this even harder.

This type of distortive thinking can make us feel extremely self-conscious and can cause us to avoid situation that make us feel this way – which in turn, knocks our self-confidence.

Although these thoughts may feel true – they are probably not too realistic. You may, indeed, struggle with small talk with strangers – but it may also be true that you do enjoy small talk with those that you feel comfortable with. Try thinking of times you’ve enjoyed conversation – write them down if you like, you may be surprised how often you have been comfortable talking to others.

Once you’ve identified situations that you have been comfortable communicating with others try to remember these each time those negative thoughts creep in to your head and replace these negative, self-defeating thoughts with these new, accepting thoughts; instead of allowing yourself to think that you’re terrible at conversation try telling yourself that you know you prefer small settings but that you know you have interesting things to say and have great conversations. Re-framing your thoughts in this way can be really helpful.

Do the things that your anxiety has caused you to avoid in the past and have the conversations that you are scared to have. Try using some of the tips below to help you set small, frequent goals to move out of your comfort zone: -

• Try starting a conversation with someone you know by asking a question – How is your Mum/Sister/Dog? Did you do anything nice last weekend?
• Pay attention to whoever is speaking – this makes you less likely to focus on your own anxiety and ensures you can follow the conversation, making you appear good at conversation and confident.
• Ask questions about the conversation. This will encourage the conversation to flow,
• Try to speak in full sentences rather than single words – short answers give the impression that you want a conversation to end and make it difficult for the talk to continue,
• Don’t be afraid to change the subject to something you are more comfortable talking about,
• If you feel the conversation has run its course know that you can end a conversation without any awkwardness by just saying ‘it was good to talk to you’ and then move on. You don’t have to give any reasons or justify it any way.
• If face to face conversations are too difficult try reaching out to someone on social media or joining in a conversation online that others are already having,
• Remind yourself that conversations don’t have to be perfect, its ok to say something wrong or make a mistake – were all only human,
• When you have pushed yourself out of your comfort zone, don’t overthink it. Instead try congratulating yourself for being friendly and taking risks.

These tips may seem difficult when you first begin them, but by repeating them as often as you can and pushing your way out of your comfort zone, you will find that you become used to doing them and it will feel easier each time.

You’ve got this!