Friendships are great – having someone we can rely on, someone that just gets us. We share humour, know all about each other, make many memories and they feel safe. But friendships, like everything else in life, can change and they can end in many ways and for many different reasons.

All relationships can be messy. Some friendships last for years, evolving to be mutually supportive and forming lifelong bonds, while others can mutate and grow into something unhealthy or even toxic.  When this happens, either all-of-a sudden or a slow separation, it needs to be processed. We can feel a real sense of grief when we lose someone and it can be just the same when a friendship ends. In fact, it is really hard to know how to act or what to feel, because even if a split is right or inevitable, it still hurts.

I think the first thing to be aware of is to accept it. It is ok to not see eye to eye with people or to completely disagree with them, even people that you care about. But if you stop respecting each other that is when trouble can set in and making excuses for your friend when this situation sets in can lead to resentment and cause further issues.

The best thing you can do when you notice those difficulties is the same as you would do in a romantic relationship – sit down together and talk openly about the problems that you are both having. All relationships take work and if both of you wish to continue the friendship it could take a lot of effort to make progress and move past the difficulties.  If, however, it is time to move on, it is vital that you give yourself time to mourn the painful loss of a friendship.

When a romantic relationship ends people expect us to feel a certain way and it is taken for granted that we need to work through those emotions, but we also deserve to award ourselves the same care when a friendship ends.  Allow yourself to feel whatever it is that you feel; talk about it, cry if you need to, eat ice-cream if you need to and if it helps do things like listening to sad songs or watching silly movies. If you fall apart a little – that’s ok, just take your time and put yourself slowly back together.  Itcan be really helpful to try to understand what went wrong. Be aware of what happened and try to figure out what behaviours you will and won’t accept in any other existing friendships, or in any new friends that you make.

As humans, we are not immune to the feelings of hurt that comes from betrayal; learn from it, grieve and move on with your self-respect and your dignity complete. It may be a little bruised but bruises heal and with time so will you.